When you can’t find the tampon string…

After you’ve found it…

Okay, this one is a little hard for me. Today (day 3) I’m supposed to throw something away that I LOVE. I mean…who does that? If you love it, why throw it away? But I’m supposed to be changing my life, so I will be throwing away my………..VIBRATOR! BWAHAHAHAAA!  I won’t post a picture of it…that just seems…..WRONG. So just believe me when I say it’s literally falling apart and I have to HOLD the battery part down while I’m using it (TMI). So alas, my sweet vibrator (that I’ve affectionately named “Vibro”) it’s time for you to rest.

Ode to Vibro:

Damn, I love the way you be vibratin’

You’re always ready to get it in

I ain’t never got to wait

To feel your spirit vibrate

And when I wake up you’re still there in the morntin’.

Today, I’m supposed to gaze at everyone and wonder if they could possibly be the love of my life and whether or not I might be overlooking them.

So if you catch me looking at you like this:

Don’t blame me. I’m just on Day 2 of This Book Will Change Your Life. 

And…maybe you’ll be looking back at me like:

And we can be the new Bonnie & Clyde. I’ll be Bonnie. Thanks.

Happy New Year!

Y’all…this book is so hilarious. Since it’s the first day, the book gives a list of “easy” tasks to get you started. Here are just a few:

• Perform a striptease (in private)
• Learn to play chopsticks on the piano.
• Say “yo” instead of “hello.
• Decide which toe is the prettiest.

But the one I’ve chosen to do today is: Bookmark a new website.

I’m starting a new blog that’s gonna be all about home decor, decorating, and diy projects so I decided to bookmark a site that looks awesome so far: ohhappyday.com. I found it through Pinterest and they seem to have awesome party ideas and DIY projects. Scrolling through the entire blog and pinning the entries I love is a must do.

Even if you don’t have “This Book Will Change Your Life,” take some time and do something different today. Let’s make this year a fun one!

tm

Dear….

Dear….

Hmm, now don’t get me wrong, there used to be a shit ton of people on my “I hate you” list. Predominately men. But now, I honestly can’t think of one. I’ve grown to learn to forgive, and even though my Scorpio nature won’t let me forget, my terrible memory allows me to just move on and be cool.

So, I guess this letter has turned into a letter to me. And I just wanna tell myself…YOU GO GIRRRRLLLLL! *whips fro bagginfoaf*

T.

Dear Sherri,

We were best friends growing up. We got into so much trouble together. I really consider you my greatest friend. Even when I moved to Mississippi, we were still roll-dawgs whenever I made it back to the CHI or when your family had a reunion down south. But now that we’re grown, we just don’t talk as much. We have our own lives and you have a family. But I do miss the good ol’ days and how we used to hang. I know I could call more, but for some reason it’s hard for me to do. I really don’t know why. I love you. You’re one of my sisters.

You know what I think? I think I let the fact that most of my friends are married and have kids sort of intimidate me. I don’t know what to talk about with y’all anymore. I mean, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about me packing my mom’s house and how many times I’ve cried holding some random piece of paper she wrote on. And I wouldn’t have much to offer if you told me a story about how lil’ Raven did something that’s extra genius for her age. I know we’re friends above all that, but I know family comes first. So, I guess I’m choosing to not disappear, but just fade into the background. I’m always here when you need me. And I know you’re always there.

Love you sis.

T.

Let me gon’ ‘head and do Day 10. It’s been like 6 months or something ridiculous…and I’m on Day 10.  Lordt.

Dear Oprah,

When I was about 3 (as my mom told the story), I pointed at the TV and said, “I want to be in there.” Television has pretty much been my passion/hobby/favorite past time ever since. My mom and I used to watch Oprah back when you’d spend the majority of the show up in the audience. And then it happened—you got rich. You got rich and started talking more about finances, mental and physical health and less about the Ku Klux Klan and hate crimes. A lot of black folk dissed you, saying, “Oprah done changed her show up for the white folk…” and things of that nature. Meanwhile, other female hosted shows decided to stay less educational, more controversial (Jenny Jones, Ricki Lake) and folded one after the other. So I understood the change. Hell, YOU’D changed. You weren’t some regular ol’ southern black girl who “made the TV” anymore. You were OPRAH! People had pictures of you on their walls next to their dead grandparents and whatnot like you were a part of the family. Because you were. We all basically grew up with you. I know I did. It seemed that you and my mom had the exact same weight fluctuations at the exact same times. I figured y’all were going to the same gym…or something. I digress.

Needless to say, as far back as I can remember, you’ve been on my television. And I’m sad to see you go, but I totally respect your decision to leave. I’d totally like to meet you and chalk it up about the evolution of females on television, where we’ve been, and where we’re going.  One day, we will. I’m sure.

I love you O!

T.